Thursday, December 20, 2007

I AM TRAUMATIZED

Well I am very traumatized right now and thinking very hard and deeply(I know not a good combo:) ) We have spent the day recording our camcorder tapes onto VHS (we live in the dark ages, I am sure you can copy them onto DVD, but that is beyond me:) ) and we got to Feb. 24, 2004, and the kids were playing and everything was happy. But what the video does not show is that just 6 hours later is when I had my stroke. And then it pops to March 1, and Thom is feeding the kids breakfast and they are getting ready to come up to the hospital and see me, but since they cannot see me, Thom is asking them what they want to bring to me, Kaiden of course says flowers (he is famous for bringing his mommy flowers), but Thom says no, they do not allow flowers where she is at, they had already sent up pictures of them, so they were thinking of what else they could take up. Kaiden says how about a song, so he sings me his song (You are My Sunshine, which I used to sing to him every night at bedtime). And then I guess Thom brought the video up to show it to me, I do not remember this, but I saw the video today. And it meant so much to me.
But it struck me so hard when I saw myself playing with my kids just hours before my life changed forever. It struck me how life can be cruising along just perfect and wonderful, and then BAM, your life can come to a screeching halt, and nothing will be as it was before. This changed my life immediately following my stroke, but in the 3 1/2 years since it has slowly slipped away. But tonight reminded me how fragile life really is. And I have so many questions, am I loving enough? Am I treating my family right? Will my children have good memories of me if I died tonight? am I doing all that God has for me? and the list goes on and on, and it is traumatizing me!
So that is all I have. Just live every moment as if it were your last, and thank God when you wake up to a new day! And Life is too short for drama and petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.

1 comment:

Carolyn said...

Wow, what a sweet video! I remember when I first found out about the stroke. I was so scared for you. We were both pregnant at the time I believe, and I was so worried for you and your little one. I was so happy when you made your recovery! Thank you so much for sharing this. Much love to your family from ours.